We'd do better? Is that true? There's a reason someone coined the phrase, "Ignorance is bliss." Is it because we just don't want to know what we ought to be doing? How we ought to be living? Is is that we don't want to be held accountable for our actions? Probably. I was joking with my sister about how I wanted to eventually become a Certified Personal Trainer (whoop!) but I had a lot of work to do before I could help someone else. Imagine me, sitting on the reformer, eating an Oreo, telling someone else to push it and pump it up! I could just see myself, with a 64oz Slurpee in one hand, too small leotard, tights, and a valour headband saying, " If you want fame, it starts here! And you start paying, with SWEAT!"....(slurp!..belch!) I thought it was a funny image, till she reminded me that there are plenty out of shape trainers (well maybe just a few) who know all the moves but never implement them for themselves. How many machines do you own? How many fitness DVD's have you bought with the best intentions? You could open your own gym and consultation service for all the diets you've tried and equipment you've purchased. So what's holding you back?
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| 06' in while living in LA-Image was everything there. |
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| 6 mos pregnant...glowing. :) |
What held me back for a long time was what I saw in the mirror. Admittedly, I was never a skinny person. I was statuesque (yes, we'll use that word). A curvy 14/16 with a proportioned waistline and though I couldn't shop in Express...I still was able to wear many designer duds. When I would lament that I was slightly overweight, someone would chime in and say, "whatever, you're not fat!"...I'd go, "oh, yeah, I guess you're right." I wasn't. Size is very relative. Words like fat, overweight, thick, plump, chunky, lean..are words that are in the eye of the beholder. When I looked in the mirror, what I saw changed from time to time, but it wasn't enough to lead me into action.
Then enter baby. I looked in the mirror and I looked different. I am no way shape or form minimizing the struggles those who have battled weight since childhood have, but I couldn't believe who was starring back at me. This was real. I said,"This is what I look like now." I didn't like mirrors for a week or so, but I was obsessed with starring in them. I'd smile, frown, wince, lift an eyebrow, turn to the side; anything in hopes that the image would be different. It wasn't. I kept saying, out loud, in conversation that I was "fat", "ugly", I even called myself a "troll under a bridge." I tossed these self bashing terms around like hotcakes hoping it could add humor to a sad situation. What was most sad was that I believed it. It wasn't until I prayed and said, "Lord, I'm wonderfully made in your image; why don't I feel that way? " He said, "because you are looking through your lens and not mine." If I was truly grateful for being made so wonderfully, how could I treat my body as though it was a piece of junk? I couldn't do that.
So, I fasted from make-up to see who I really was for a while. And I decided to take all that I knew, learned, and was learning about fitness and nutrition and decided to make over the inside. I was an am careful about what I put it. When I work out it's a time of prayer and meditation (even though it's fast paced). I reflect on what I look like, what I feel like, what I love about myself, and what I love about God. I thank Him for making me in His image and restoring me.
What really makes us do better not necessarily knowing, but understanding. When you understand that you are made for a purpose greater than what you see in the mirror; you can start to make changes. When I work out and look at my baby sleeping; I smile. I say, "we're almost at 4 miles Lilly!" She grunts and keeps on snoring. But I am committing to change for her, to give her a legacy of good health and positive self affirmation. Loving yourself isn't just about saying it, but truly taking care of your body, mind, and spirit.
Ciao,
Barbie
2 comments:
You keep on pushing SANDZ!!! I need to get on the slimming down a bit for my health wagon!!! I just love food to much and it's hard to get motivated esp when it's cold outside. Any insight on cold weather work outs!!! Any healthy recipes?
Hi Sandz!
Well, in terms of working out in the winter..how extremem do you want to go? :) There are plenty of joggers who could care less about the snow and hit the pavement anyway. But I would strongly recommend hot yoga or pilates for you. I love pilates because it's relaxing and strengthening. Also, try a fitness DVD. I'm doing the walking because I can pop it in and out. My sister loves everything by CRUNCH. They have fun ones like belly dancing, AbCrunch, and GO-Go dancing. If you want to get away (from home and its distractions) check out the ones I mentioned above. (You can also gym hop-get guest passes for local gyms and work out for free. You might find one you like in the meantime.) I'll post some yummy recipies this week for you that are good healthy winter treats!
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